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Friday, December 29, 2006

New year resolutions we'd love to see.

I saw these New year's resolutions and I thought I post them here for humor:

(Resolutions we’d like to see, courtesy of USATODAY newspaper)

Be The Listener before being The Decider. — President Bush

Aim before I fire. — Vice President Cheney

Augment wonky policy prescriptions with personal style. — Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y.

Augment personal style with wonky policy prescriptions. — Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill.

Pick fights with Republicans, not Democrats. — Incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif.

Deposit cash in the bank, not the freezer. — Rep. William Jefferson, D-La.

Deposit classified documents at the National Archives, not under construction trailers. — Former national security adviser Samuel Berger

Study Middle East history. — Incoming House Intelligence Chairman Silvestre Reyes, D-Texas

Look for men my own age. — Former representative Mark Foley, R-Fla.

Stop trying to tell jokes. — Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass.

Stick to telling jokes. — Ranting comedian Michael Richards

Blame America second. — Ranting Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez

Visit Auschwitz and the Holocaust Museum. — Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Get a decent haircut and not blow up the world. — North Korean leader Kim Jong Il

Give up power when my term is up. Really. — Russian President Vladimir Putin

Not buy green bananas. — Condemned Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein

Reject "hypothetical" murder confessions. — Book publisher Judith Regan

Wear underpants. — Singer Britney Spears

Ignore Donald Trump. — Talk show hostess Rosie O'Donnell

Ignore Rosie O'Donnell. — Businessman/reality TV star Donald Trump

Stay ahead of Warren Buffett in charitable giving. — Microsoft founder Bill Gates

Give my $200 million golden parachute to shareholders or the Gates' foundation. — Former Pfizer CEO Hank McKinnell

Learn to play solitaire. — Jailed former Enron CEO Jeff Skilling

Learn to speak Greenspanese. — Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke

Never play football, or ride my motorcycle, without a helmet. — Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger

Use my head, not lose my head. — French soccer star Zinedine Zidane

Retire gracefully after my 754th home run. — San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds

Play golf left-handed, to give others a chance. — Tiger Woods

Shut my mouth and catch the damn ball. — Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens



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