New year resolutions we'd love to see.
I saw these New year's resolutions and I thought I post them here for humor:
(Resolutions we’d like to see, courtesy of USATODAY newspaper)
Be The Listener before being The Decider. — President Bush
Aim before I fire. — Vice President Cheney
Augment wonky policy prescriptions with personal style. — Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y.
Augment personal style with wonky policy prescriptions. — Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill.
Pick fights with Republicans, not Democrats. — Incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif.
Deposit cash in the bank, not the freezer. — Rep. William Jefferson, D-La.
Deposit classified documents at the National Archives, not under construction trailers. — Former national security adviser Samuel Berger
Study Middle East history. — Incoming House Intelligence Chairman Silvestre Reyes, D-Texas
Look for men my own age. — Former representative Mark Foley, R-Fla.
Stop trying to tell jokes. — Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass.
Stick to telling jokes. — Ranting comedian Michael Richards
Blame America second. — Ranting Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
Visit Auschwitz and the Holocaust Museum. — Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Get a decent haircut and not blow up the world. — North Korean leader Kim Jong Il
Give up power when my term is up. Really. — Russian President Vladimir Putin
Not buy green bananas. — Condemned Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein
Reject "hypothetical" murder confessions. — Book publisher Judith Regan
Wear underpants. — Singer Britney Spears
Ignore Donald Trump. — Talk show hostess Rosie O'Donnell
Ignore Rosie O'Donnell. — Businessman/reality TV star Donald Trump
Stay ahead of Warren Buffett in charitable giving. — Microsoft founder Bill Gates
Give my $200 million golden parachute to shareholders or the Gates' foundation. — Former Pfizer CEO Hank McKinnell
Learn to play solitaire. — Jailed former Enron CEO Jeff Skilling
Learn to speak Greenspanese. — Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke
Never play football, or ride my motorcycle, without a helmet. — Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger
Use my head, not lose my head. — French soccer star Zinedine Zidane
Retire gracefully after my 754th home run. — San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds
Play golf left-handed, to give others a chance. — Tiger Woods
Shut my mouth and catch the damn ball. — Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens
(Resolutions we’d like to see, courtesy of USATODAY newspaper)
Be The Listener before being The Decider. — President Bush
Aim before I fire. — Vice President Cheney
Augment wonky policy prescriptions with personal style. — Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y.
Augment personal style with wonky policy prescriptions. — Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill.
Pick fights with Republicans, not Democrats. — Incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif.
Deposit cash in the bank, not the freezer. — Rep. William Jefferson, D-La.
Deposit classified documents at the National Archives, not under construction trailers. — Former national security adviser Samuel Berger
Study Middle East history. — Incoming House Intelligence Chairman Silvestre Reyes, D-Texas
Look for men my own age. — Former representative Mark Foley, R-Fla.
Stop trying to tell jokes. — Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass.
Stick to telling jokes. — Ranting comedian Michael Richards
Blame America second. — Ranting Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
Visit Auschwitz and the Holocaust Museum. — Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Get a decent haircut and not blow up the world. — North Korean leader Kim Jong Il
Give up power when my term is up. Really. — Russian President Vladimir Putin
Not buy green bananas. — Condemned Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein
Reject "hypothetical" murder confessions. — Book publisher Judith Regan
Wear underpants. — Singer Britney Spears
Ignore Donald Trump. — Talk show hostess Rosie O'Donnell
Ignore Rosie O'Donnell. — Businessman/reality TV star Donald Trump
Stay ahead of Warren Buffett in charitable giving. — Microsoft founder Bill Gates
Give my $200 million golden parachute to shareholders or the Gates' foundation. — Former Pfizer CEO Hank McKinnell
Learn to play solitaire. — Jailed former Enron CEO Jeff Skilling
Learn to speak Greenspanese. — Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke
Never play football, or ride my motorcycle, without a helmet. — Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger
Use my head, not lose my head. — French soccer star Zinedine Zidane
Retire gracefully after my 754th home run. — San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds
Play golf left-handed, to give others a chance. — Tiger Woods
Shut my mouth and catch the damn ball. — Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens
Labels: New Year
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